One Month and One Day Down

So we are one month and one day down into my husband’s fourth deployment to the Middle East... He also has served an unaccompanied tour to Korea for a year... We have had three kids two girls and one boy. Our son passed away shortly after birth from a fatal birth defect called Anencephaly. We had a wonderful 8 hours and 45 minutes with him and held him every second of it! Life has not been easy on us but a blessing all in the same. Every trail we have gone through has only made us stronger and Heavenly Father has been with us through it all.


With each time apart from my husband I learn more about myself and our love for each other. Last deployment I kept myself so busy I didn't know which way was up. lol This time I prayed and feel that I need to take things slower... I know, what a horrible idea when you WANT time to go by fast; but I felt very sure of the fact that God wants me to focus more on our home, our kids, and my relationship with Him. Thus I gave up a couple of our home school groups, stop volunteering with the spouse support group from my husband’s unit (FRG), and many other things. I am trying to get my priorities in line with what God wants. I have faced some criticism in doing this, especially form people I use to volunteer with but I KNOW this is what I need to do... You can't help others if you can't help yourself, right? What my true desire is, is to help with the bereavement support group at our military post. So I am going to spend a few months focusing on my home life and then go and help them out. I held my son has he died and held my mother’s hand when she died. I know that does NOT make me an expert when it comes to losing someone but I am almost sure there could be no pain worse than burying your own child. If I could just help one other person get through that time, I would feel blessed.


I have had many friends tell me that my life has been like a soap opera. Granted I don't watch them but I do remember some from when I lived with my grandma and aunt. I guess I could see their point though. My life does seem to have one "drama" after another. From my childhood all of the way up. But I just see this has trails that I have faced that have made me who I am. Not something to regret but to learn from. I grew up with an alcoholic mom and life with her could have been better, I have been through much abuse but I have grown from it all. Due to military obligations I have been separated from my husband too much, we have lost a child, had a house fire while he was deployed, I got a blood clot in my head while I was pregnant with our last child, moved more times than I can remember, and just face everyday things.. Many other things have gone on in my life but those are stories for another day.


It is my hope that I can write to help pass the time and just to get things off of my mind. In my quest to follow what I believe God wants from me I have "lost" many of my "friends" and thus I don't have too many people to talk to. lol So, I will write.